A must read article : The need to make your marriage more important than your children

WHEN we were children,
there  were much stricter boundaries,” recalled Eriwu, a 42-year old
mother of two teenage children as we discussed the vast difference of
parenting in the past and how today’s parents mono-cuddle their

children. She continued: “Children did not stay up with the adults, or
socialise with them, or sleep in their parents’ beds. We on the other
hand, seem to have no boundaries at all. Our children spill over into
all aspects of our lives. It is only rarely that I shout: ‘I need some
adult time!’ and am promptly ignored.
love
love

“Our philosophy is that we want them to feel secure and loved so that
they will grow into confident adults, but that’s been at the expense of
any dividing line between their world and ours. Part of the problem is
that we don’t have an extended family who are able to relieve us from
childcare. My mother and step-father live is a different state, and my
father and his wife live miles away from our home. During the past 17
years, we’ve had only a few handful of nights away from our children and
 the constant caring for them and ignoring each other’s needs sometimes
corrodes our relationship. All our resources, both financial and
emotional go towards making sure our children are happy and healthy and
up to scratch with their homework.

“I know that we are not unique, that there are millions of other couples
 going through the same thing. Yet this isn’t how 1 imagined life with
my husband would be. He specialised in photography and 1 a copywriter
and we met abroad while working for different publications. 1 was
instantly struck by his intrepid nature – he looked dashing and made me
laugh and it was easy to fall in love with him. We began working
together on exciting assignments but now our times away are mostly tame
outings with the children; my snapshot images of my husband are now of
him coaching the

children or organising birthday parties! The few precious nights we’ve
had away in the past few years have given us rare chances to rekindle
our marriage even though we haven’t been further than neighbouring
countries. Even real foreign holidays are with the two of them in tow!
“When the children were babies, our days off were even more precious and
 rare. It felts as though we were running a very small boarding nursery
school. We communicated wearily about nappy-changing and bottle-
feeding,” our conversations were brief instructions or demands, and not
the stimulating or amusing debates we had been used to.

“Even with the help of the only domestic staff we had, my husband had to
 help at nights, rocking babies to sleep. Our entire weekends were spent
 working around naps and feeding times. “When our first child was born, I
 suffered a haemorrhage after giving birth, which left me exhausted. I’m
 not someone who has piles of energy anyway, but with the added pressure
 of having a baby, I could hardly function at all. I found it difficult
to get up in the night to tend to our baby son, handling the bulk of the
 night feeds over to Ike, my husband, leaving him tired and resentful. 
At times we barely talked to each other. The strain was so much that
when Ike got transferred on the job for a few months, we virtually lost
contact. The news on the grapevine was that he was having an affair. It
was a sad and lonely few months for me.

“Thankfully, as soon as he got back home, we realized we missed each
other. A few months later, I got pregnant. Unbelievably, I had another
post-partnum haemorrhage and lost a lot of blood when our daughter was
born. I felt very weak the first few months that she was a baby, but
this time, we had a good help and managed to hold things together. When
both our children could spend time with any of their grandparents, we
had blissful days and nights together. The mornings were so peaceful and
 we chatted over a cup of tea and sat down to breakfast. At a table. And
 enjoyed a conversation – a vast difference to our normal routine.

“While our son, at 15 can look after himself, our daughter, who had just
 started secondary school, still needs cajoling into getting dressed.
‘Put your shoes on! Brush your hair!’ She is often still staring in the
mirror and rearranging her hair minutes before she is meant to be at
school. My husband .gets exasperated and shouts,’ sometimes we end up
all shouting at once. Although it is easier now that the children are
older, it still feels as though they need constant care and attention.
Any time that I’m not working or exercising is often spent organising
their lives, focusing on

their health, worrying about their well-being, leaving virtually no time
 at all for my husband. A weekend can be soul-destroying. They are all
about the children, and as they have grown older, their demands have not
 abetted. This is our fault, for letting their lives overtake ours.

“Last Christmas when they got to spend a couple of days with their
cousins, was heavenly. As soon as they were gone, we morphed from being
grumpy, stressed and irritable to reasonable, loving and relaxed. On the
 first night, we went out to dinner, which is not something we usually
do – and we could take our time. In fact, we had so much time that we
strolled to the restaurant – and we held hands. We felt frivolous and
free and young. We chatted and laughed. It was like being together when
we first met all those years ago. My husband wasn’t just any co-partner,
 a father to my children, but a man whom I love, my best friend.
Ideally, we would have three child-free days a month to remember that we
 are not just parents to our children, but a man and a woman in a loving
 relationship”.

No Wonder He Strayed! (Humour)

It was with much wringing of the hands that Rachael discovered her
husband Harry had a mistress. Rachael however, was not the sort to kill
the goose that lays golden eggs, rather, she decided to find out what
the mistress had that she didn’t. After long interrogation, Harry
finally relented.

“Well, to tell you the truth, Rachael, you’re too cold. When we make
love, you don’t do anything. You just lay there, whereas she moans and
groans with feeling.”

“Is that all”, thought Rachael. “Is that all there is to it”? That
night, she dressed in her most alluring lingerie, slipped Harry a shot
of his favourite cognac and got him into bed. Half way through the
business she decided to give her most passionate moans and groans. “‘Oh
Harry, darling,” she began. “I’ve had the most terrible day. Our shares
have dropped two points. The washing machine broke down. You don’t give
me enough housekeeping money.